• Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Chuck Norris.
• Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris.
• Chuck Norris has two speeds: Walk and Kill.
• Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
• What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims before they died? His shoe.
• Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
• When Chuck Norris falls in water, Chuck Norris doesn't get wet. Water gets Chuck Norris.
• Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
• Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.
• There are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq , Chuck Norris lives in Oklahoma .
• Chuck Norris once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made him blink.
• Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.
• Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.
• Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.
• When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.
• Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
• If, by some incredible space-time paradox, Chuck Norris would ever fight himself, he'd win. Period.
• Chuck Norris does not love Raymond.
• Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
• Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.
• Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
• Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
• There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.
• Chuck Norris' hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.
• Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.
• Chuck Norris doesn't wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.